Reframing Summer: The Intersection of Perception and Purpose

The expression "half empty or half full" is a metaphor referring to a person's attitude towards a situation, and whether they perceive things with optimism or pessimism. Through my healing journey, I have come to realize how important perspective is. It’s all about how you view and respond to situations, not the situation itself. I want to share with you a story that changed my perspective.

While on a retreat in Virginia facilitated by my therapist Caitlin Peterson, I saw firsthand how perspective can change how you feel. I remember being so excited for one of the experiences—to visit an alpaca farm. When we arrived, the owners mistakenly double-booked, and we were unable to see the alpacas as planned. I said, "Oh no, what are we going to do?" and Caitlin calmly responded with a look of wonder and curiosity: "I wonder what the universe has in store for us now." That comment stuck with me, and now when things don’t happen as expected, I shift my perspective to curiosity for the unexpected turn of events.

This summer, my life had an unexpected turn of events. In my last blog, I wrote about how my younger daughter was literally turned upside down in my red Jeep during a car accident. My older daughter graduated from college and moved to NYC, and I got divorced after 25 years of marriage, now owning my own home.

This summer has been really hard, to say the least. I didn’t complete the projects I wanted, didn’t go on vacation, and didn’t spend much time with friends. It was definitely not the summer I wished for.

However, in the midst of this transformation and rebirth, I read The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy. The main message is that personal fulfillment comes from focusing on "the gain"—what you’ve achieved—rather than "the gap," which is the distance between where you are and where you want to be.

My therapist has shared this message for years, often telling me to notice my progress to avoid feeling stuck, but sometimes you have to hear a message multiple times before it really sticks. So I decided to enlist the practice of living in the gain. I felt much more peaceful and present whenever I did this. 

This summer, I reminded myself daily of my accomplishments.Let me tell you that this is not easy to do.  I realized that living in "the gap" is normal and shifting to "the gain" is a continual practice.

Mindset is everything. By measuring progress based on past accomplishments (the gain), you cultivate a positive mindset, increase happiness, and build momentum. Focusing on the gap leads to frustration, dissatisfaction, and a sense of failure because you're constantly comparing yourself to an unrealistic standard. If you frame a challenge as an opportunity, it will be perceived more positively compared to framing it as a threat.

The Gap and the Gail by Dan Sullivan with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

After reading the book and practicing shifting my mindset, I started to feel so much better. I decided to run an experiment and try  this method with my older daughter, Anna, who had just started her first job at Deloitte, a financial institution in NYC. The day before she started her job, she was understandably nervous. I asked her to name some accomplishments from the past year, whether small or big, since small accomplishments lead to big change. After listing them, she felt proud and stronger. I asked her to repeat this list to herself as she walked to work the next day. She said, "Hold on, let me write this down so I can remember it." This practice doesn’t mean bypassing emotions, but rather learning to shift your perspective and live in the gain, not the gap. 

Every day, I’ve shifted my focus from what I didn’t accomplish this summer to what I have done and the progress I’ve made. This summer has forced me to sit with my emotions surrounding the accident and the divorce. I’ve been living in the gap for some time. While I still think about my to-do list, I now ask myself, "Does this really matter?" The truth is, we all have things to do—earning money, doing laundry, cooking meals—but my purpose can’t just be to finish a to-do list.

After much contemplation and reflection, this is what I’ve realized: My purpose is to love others and myself because love is the foundation for connection, growth, and compassion. By embracing love for myself, I cultivate the strength and self-awareness needed to offer genuine love to others. In doing so, I create deeper, more meaningful relationships and foster a sense of fulfillment in both giving and receiving. My to-do list will continue to grow, and I may never reach the end of it. However, the love and connection I share with people will always be felt and remembered

As the summer ends, I’ve decided to shift my perspective. I’m extremely grateful for my two beautiful daughters, my friends, my family, and the practitioners who have supported me. We all need support. I will feel the losses of my marriage and my red Jeep, but I wonder what the universe has in store for me driving in my new yellow jeep.

Let the adventure begin.